Today is Saturday and I am sitting here doing nothing. This morning I took a practice SAT and got a 1300... Technically, it was a 1330 because I was falling asleep during the test and I marked the paper incorrectly. After I got my score, I couldn't concentrate. I don't know about you, but 1300(1330) is pretty good for me. So even though class was finished at 1:00, it ended about 12:00 for me.
I watched About a Boy and I downloaded the soundtrack. I think About a Boy might be my favorite movie. Even while driving it's like I'm in the movie because the music is everywhere. There are some pretty weird songs on the soundtrack but they all are (or from what I heard so far) very nice.
...I'm wasting my time typing all this stuff.

There are so many distractions. That's not that problem though, the problem is that I give in to the distractions. Whether it's playing guitar, or sitting around doing nothing, I'm not glorifying God. Missions feel far away.

Missions:
The idea of missions first crept into my head at eighth grade when I read a biography on Jim Elliot. Of course missions was just an idea and I never really considered it. I don't even know if I was a Christian in eighth grade. Anyway, when I recommitted (or maybe I got saved) in sophomore year, I really thought about becoming a missionary. To be honest, at first it was because it seemed so easy. "How can you fail God if you're a missionary?" Of course I didn't realize what that type of life would entail (I still don't) and so I had romantic ideas of how I would arrive in the jungle and the people would gather around and we'd all be Christians after I stayed there doing nothing. But then I realized that it wasn't going to be that easy; especially after seeing Nick Berg getting beheaded. Persecution was the sort of thing that I should expect.
Still, I want to become a missionary. Hopefully it'll help me to see a part of God that I haven't seen yet, or maybe even see Him for the first time. I know that God's glory is what missions is all about. I don't really understand God's glory, I don't know if I even have a zeal for God's glory. Possibly because I'm immature or something. We'll see what happens. It would be best for me not to be so pragmatic. Then I might forget about God altogether and be reaching the nations for my glory.

God:
God feels far away. I'm not complaining, maybe I am. He probably seems far away because of my sin. I'm so full of it. It's hard to talk about Him because there are so many things I'm unsure about. Even with the Bible, people have so many interpretations that it's hard to use the Bible as "the rock". I'm sure others are going through these same struggles. No one seems to talk about it though, mostly because talk doesn't seem to lead anywhere with this topic. What are people going to say when one talks about doubting the bible. They can't quote him/her a passage.

Lord, Forgive my unbelief. "'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?' Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm." (Matt. 8:26)